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  • Writer's pictureTanya Beattie

If I Experienced Trauma as a Child, Does That Mean My Parents Are to Blame?

Traumatic experiences and relationships bring up all kinds of feelings in those that have experienced it. It can make you second guess yourself, your relationships, your actions and responses, among so many other things. Trauma Therapy is meant to help those individuals better understand why they act or respond in the way that they do, learn to build their self esteem/self worth, and how to navigate their relationships and experiences to respond to them in a better way.

But therapy can feel scary.

Often my clients are afraid of getting help through therapy. They might be afraid of what will happen if they open up to someone, they might not want to relive the traumatic events or relationships, or they may be afraid of the stigma that can come with therapy depending on your generation.

Sometimes, that hesitation shows up as guilt. For example, feeling guilty for exploring the trauma and what that might say about the people involved. We often hear, “If I experienced trauma as a child does that mean my parents were bad people, are they to blame for my struggles? If I go to therapy and talk about the things that happened to me or things I didn’t get that I should have, I am going to feel guilty because I know my parents did their best, and I know they love me. They would never do anything to hurt me.”

Thankfully, working through the things that happened to us and the impacts these experiences continue to have on us doesn’t have to bring blame into the conversation. This work isn’t about blaming or pointing fingers, it is about understanding your struggle and what you want your life to be like going forward. It might even help you to understand how to parent better so your own children don’t go through the same cycle you did.

Blame and guilt can be two very difficult things to navigate and we want to get past those things in therapy, and truly focus on the work to helping you achieve your relationship, response, and life goals. Therapy shouldn’t weigh you down, it should build you up.

If you are interested in talking more about your experiences, I am always here to listen and help. On the What’s Therapy Like? page you can learn more about my process or you can book a free 15 min consultation with me to figure out if we are a fit.


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